ZOG
Many, many years ago, before Caesar had discovered America or Columbus conquered Rome, even before the invention of bubblegum, 91,264,325 hours ago, we find Ug, Gor, and their three children Zig, Zag, and Zog (Zog’s the dumb one) eating breakfast in their cave.
Ug is the first to speak, “These Cornflakes are too soggy!”
Sick and tired of hearing Ug complain, Gor rants, “Gripe! Gripe!! Gripe!!! That’s all you ever do. You and the guys run around the countryside all day chasing after dinosaurs and all I ever get to do is stay here in this cheap cave and swat bats. Eat your breakfast and shut up! And don’t forget Zog’s teacher wants you to stop by and see her after school. Zog’s been clubbing smaller children on the playground again.”
Ug speaks again, “Is that right Zog?”
Zog: “Eurttonsitaht!”
Gor: “Dumb! Dumb!! Dumb!!! When are you ever going to learn to talk? Ug, the boy is 10 and he still can’t talk right yet. Do you think we should take him to see a doctor?”
“Don’t worry about it.” Ug assures her, “The boy just needs time.”
Zog nodding his head: “Stunruoy!”
Gor nags: “Zig and Zag, you two make sure your brother doesn’t get into trouble again today. I’m holding you both responsible.”
Zig and Zag: “Don’t worry mother, dear. If he does anything wrong we’ll be the first to tell on him.”
Poor Zog. Everyone thought he was stupid because he wouldn’t talk like everyone else. Zog wanted to talk correctly. Most of all he wanted to tell on Zig and Zag. They were always beating someone up on the playground and blaming him. But no matter how hard he tried it always came out, “yawsiht,” or, “yawtaht,” or some other unrecognizable garble.
One day when Zog was swinging through the trees he met a very old, old man with a very long white beard. The old man looked very wise so Zog thought perhaps he could help with his problem. “Wise old man,” he tried to call. But it just came out, “namdloesiw.” To Zog’s surprise though, the man responded.
“Yes, what is it you want?” he asked.
Zog dropped down from the tree and took a seat on a stump near the old man. Zog was just about to try and say, I have a speech problem, when the old man spoke up, “You have a problem.” The old man talked on, “You see the sun up there. It gives the Earth heat. And the clouds give it rain. And the soil,” the old man picks up a handful of soil and lets it slowly sift through his fingers, then continues, “it provides the Earth with plants. And the creatures, they all live in harmony with Earth’s natural laws. But,” and he stared sternly at Zog, “man, he thinks he can ignore the laws of nature. He takes from the earth and does not give. He destroys, but cannot remake that which he destroyed. And he refuses to live at peace with his fellow man. Man does everything backwards.” The old man stood up and pointed to a distant mountain. “I must be going now.” And he left.
Zog thought about what the old man had said. He knew somewhere the wise, old man had left him the solution to his problem. He thought for a moment. Then he smiled and ran home.
DNE EHT
